Monday, November 8, 2010

First meltdown

It's been about a month since my Honey left and tonight was my first meltdown. I vowed to write everyday and push through this PhD. But I have so many other academic commitments that cannot be neglected that my time is quickly eaten up. I've written maybe a page total in the last month. I am very frustrated.

I was reading a book about how to write your dissertation in 15 minutes today. Emphasis on the WAS. It has done nothing but distressed me and frustrated me further. Tonight to tears. I've not been writing, and I've spent the last three weekends with my sister. I just feel like I am falling behind. The book says I don't have time for a puppy, or to have lengthy social visits, or keep a semi-clean house by myself and that all rings true with me.

I feel like I don't have the support structure I need. I don't have someone who can help me academically like I helped my Honey. I felt resentful tonight of that and I resented that my Honey isn't here to help me through the dissertation process. At the same time, I know that he is the catalyst for speeding up this process.

There is no closure to this post. Just venting my frustration, crying my eyes out, and falling asleep now because I am over-tired.

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